The MILF of Noodles

Tonight Our bachelor Omega will go on a date with the lovely Mother of Snakes. Will he have more luck in love than he has in preventing his own death? Let's find out!

This date will take place in a classy little restaurant near the beach. The setting sun is beautifully reflected in the hundreds of mirrors. Wait, why are there so many mirrors in this restaurant? An interesting design choice...
Sorry I got distracted. Let's get to our date.

Omega is sitting at a lovely little booth in the corner with a window that looks directly at the beach. He is sipping a drink while he waits for his date.

*knock knock*
Omega looks confused for a second. Not knowing where the sound came from.
*knock knock*
It came from.. above?

Omega looks up at the mirror on the ceiling. There he is greeted by the Mother of snakes herself. She waves at him from behind the mirror. She seems to be going all out for this date. She is wearing an expensive looking black dress and has her most sensual make up on.

She slithers down from the mirror and takes her place across Omega. It takes a while before her entire snake body makes its way down. Her tail wraps around the seats and once she is comfortable she flashes a smile at her date. Her serpentine teeth are on full display.

"Hello there darling, how are you doing on this fine day?"
"Hello, I'm good. How are you?"
"I'm Sssimply marvelousss. I haven't been on a date in forever. It feelsss niccce to do thisss again."
"How come you haven't been on a date in so long?"
"Oh, you know. I've been working hard and haven't had muccch time for Pleasssure. Before we begin though, I'd like to asssk you a very important Quessstion."
"Uh sssu- I mean sure. Sorry."

The Mother of Snakes let's out a low chuckle. "It'sss fine. I take no Offenssse. The quessstion I wanted to asssk isss Sssimple. My title of Mother of Sssnakesss isss not unearned. I have ssso many Ccchildren. I hope that isss not a problem for you? Sssome people ssseem to have isssssuessss with dating someone with kidsss, let alone asss many asss I have."
"No, I have no problem with that. I'm curious though, how many children do you have?"
"Oh dear, I lossst count at around Sssix million."
"That's a lot."

A waiter Approaches their table with a covered plate. The Entrées have arrived. The waiter lifts the lid and it's.. a bucket of live mice?!
A smile creeps on the Mother of Snakes' face. She thanks the waiter and takes the bucket. Once the waiter leaves she starts slurping up the mice. Omega looks stunned. It takes a while before his date notices this.

"Oh I apologizzze, do you want some?" She picks up a mouse by it's tail and offers it to Omega.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't eat that but thanks for the offer..?"
"Oh, are you one of thossse Vegegetaryons?"
"Vegetarians? No, it's just we humans don't really eat our food while it's still.. alive?"
"OH!" The Mother of Snakes jumps up and gasps. "That'sss right! How foolisssh of me."

She then callsss over the waiter and whispersss.. wait now I'm doing it too. Ahem, she whispers into his ear. Gah I missed what she said, I'm sorry.
The waiter is running to the Kitchen in a hurry. Meanwhile the sun is still setting, the sky is turning a beautiful pink and orange. Anyway, back to the date.

"Ssso what isss the thing you dissslike the mossst about yourssself?"
"That's uh.. A strange question. But okay. Probably the fact that I keep dying?"
"Metaphorically or?"
"No literally. Last time I died was three days ago. Fell out of a window trying to get my lunch back from a seagull."
"Ah Yesss, Ssseagullsss are little bassstardsss."
Both of them nod heavily at each other.
"Well That'sss good."
"That I keep dying?"
"Yesss. Well no, the part where you keep coming back."
"Oh, yeah. I guess."
"I wasss a bit worried when I heard I wasss going on a date with a human. They are ssso fragile and even if they sssurvive for a long time they ssstill die of old age. Whiccch is only a century or two? Sssuch a ssshort time."
"Uh, true."
"Yesss, if I'm going to date sssomeone again I don't want them to die after only a few decadesss. A Ssstable relationssship isss important if you want to raissse kidsss."
"Oh, your children are still young?"
"Sssome of them. But mossstly I'm looking to give birth to more."
"Oh. With me you mean?"

The waiter returns this time with a plate of what seems to be a slice of pizza. He slides it in front of Omega who thanks him.

"I hope that'sss more sssuited for you."
"Yeah, pizza is good."
The Mother of Snakes seems satisfied. Omega takes a bite.
"So about the kid thing-"
Omega stops mid sentence. He appears to be having trouble breathing. Oh no! The Mother of Snakes goes into a panic. She slithers over the table and grabs Omega.

"What'ssss wrong?! Ssssspeak to me!"
But Omega can't get a word out. He starts turning blue.
"Oh no, you're ccccchoking. I need to do sssssomething!"

She is starting to wrap herself around her date. Is she attempting a heimlich maneuver? Oh it appears to have worked! Omega has spit out the thing blocking his throat.

"That wasss a clossse call? Right?" She laughs.
Her laugh stops after she realizes Omega hasn't responded.
"Omega? Are you alright? Hello?"
There is no response. His body is slumped over in her coils.
"Did I? Oh no. I crussshed him."

I guess that's the end of this date. Uh.. what is she doing?
"Well that'sss another Valentinesssss date down the drain. Hmm, I won't passsss up a free meal though."
Oh she's swallowing him whole. Cut the recording! Cut it! This isn't safe for work! I'm telling you to cut